finally got my password

Hi.

totally forgot my password for this thing...so now I have it all straightened out. Things have been good. Paul is 2 now. He's walking, talking somewhat and getting into everything. He's wonderful and I am so blessed to have him in my life. :)

So on other news, we have been ttc our second child for over a year now with no success. I'm not really upset about it...I am not even 100% sure I want another child...I mean, okay, I know that I *do* want another one someday, I'm just not sure if *now* is the right time, u know? I'm not sure if I'm really a good mom anyways..I mean I don't interact with Paul every second of his waking day and I don't get on the floor all time and play with him. Truth be told...I don't get on the floor with him more than maybe once per day for a half hour or so at most. I know my son is a happy go lucky little man and I love him to death. But I am not sure I can actually handle two kids 3 years apart basically, and be okay by myself. It's not like Chris will be home any more than he already is...so it's going to be upto me basically to do this on my own. I'm not sure I can do it...and do it well.

Then there are days that I want three kids....and think I can do it.

I know that when I get pregnant it will be the right time and things will fall into place. I just don't want to do something I might regret, one way or another. I'm not sure I can afford another child....and what about attention....I don't know I will be able to give our second child as much attention as our first, and I know that by having two, our second child won't have the same kind of one on one attenion that paul got in her first years of life like her big brother got...and I already feel guilty about that...and I don't even have her yet.

Plus, girls are way harder to raise than boys.....I dunno.

any thoughts?????